How to be more “manly” Part III

Posted: January 21, 2010 in america, comedy, life, manliness
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sorry about the delay, gentlemen. I was slightly sidetracked the last few days with booze, women, competition, and loafing (a manly hiatus). I’m back now and it’s time to get down to the meet and potatoes….

LYING!!!!!

Now I’m certain that there will be at least a few women who read this and immediately say, “There is nothing “manly” about lying. Lying is rude and not a redeeming quality for a man.” Only when they say it it’ll be exponentially less coherent and full of side stories about this time this guy lied to her, blah blah blah. So let me speak to that point for a moment.

Lying is indeed a redeeming and manly characteristic. For that reason it is a necessary tool for any man to acquire and perfect. When your loved ones are scared and panicked and you know things are only going to get worse, they need to be able to look into your eyes and believe you when you say, “Everything is going to be okay.” When you know things that can upset an otherwise peaceful situation, denial will be paramount. Make no mistake denial is indeed a lie. Lying comes in many forms, and woman do more than their share of it.

  • Make-up;  temporarily altering their outer appearance so that when you wake up next to them they don’t even look like the same person anymore.
  • Clothing; Tight pants that make your legs look tighter and giving the illusion of a more physically tone body. High heels making yourself seem taller as well as making the calves look more attractive. Bras that lift and press the breasts together providing the illusion of a fuller bosom, etc etc.
  • Exaggeration; A woman will exaggerate in her doting, in an attempt to further a man’s affection for her. i.e. “I love you so much. You’re the sweetest most handsome man I’ve ever met.”

The list could go on and on. Men lie with more purpose and on a less self centered basis, for the most part. There are exceptions to the rule, of course, for men. We also lie in many of the same ways women do, in that we will lie to get your attention. For example, the scars method brought up in the previous installment. However, in most cases men tell “mitigating lies”. We will tell you things to bring your spirits up when you feel down, or to make something awful seem less tragic. We do these things for the good of those we care about. and since women who don’t have children only care about themselves, they can’t possibly understand why this manly art form is so important to the continuing meteoric rise of man kind as a whole.

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