A) Which one of you mother fuckers stole my sammich?

1) WHERE ALL THE BITCHES AT?

Now roll call:

Men?

present!

Dames?

*crickets chirping*

Good, moving on then.

It has been quite some time since I posted  a C.S.P.A.M. blog. I am here to rectify the shit out of that. Now to recap men should be seen frequently doing the following:

  • Spitting – rather you chew tobacco, bubble gum or just salivate a lot, spitting is manly. Unless you’re indoors then it’s just rude.
  • “Adjusting themselves” – Women would like you to think they are disgusted when a man “adjusts himself”, this simply isn’t the case. They would lead you to believe it is tasteless and impolite. Truth be told, according to this recent poll (located at bottom of post), Most women can’t help but to look at your crotch when you do it. Some just trying to see who’s packing what (natural mating instincts) and most just simply get turned on by the manliness of it.
  • Cursing at children – Face it, only women like children. Men only tolerate their own children but tend to despise other peoples fuck-results. If you see a kid acting like a fucktard in the grocery store but his parents aren’t doing anything about it. Tell the little bastard to straighten the fuck up or his mother will soon be a widow and/or a single mother to prevent the conception of anymore children like himself.
  • Drinking alcohol and laughing with friends – This, my fellow men, is essential to show we have a lighthearted side to us. Make sure to be drinking beer or whisky though not wine or champagne. You don’t want to give off a Metro vibe.
  • Overheard talking about cars/guns/sex – These are topics most often reserved for men. Women can know and love all of them but don’t really talk about them much as a whole. Some men think this is a reason not to talk about them openly. To hell with that theory. Women don’t do it cause they think it makes them sound too butch a.k.a. like a MAN!!! Give off that MANLY vibe. When a chick walks by start gabbing about changing your buddies head gasket the other day, doesn’t even matter if you know what a head gasket is. She probably doesn’t know what it is either.

Men, we are losing our place at the table. Women are trying harder than we are and making good progress in areas once dominated by men. Am I saying they do not belong in certain fields? No, of course not. I think women should be given the chance to do anything a man can do. What I do disagree with is men letting them be better at manly things than we are. Female soldiers, for instance, I agree 110% with women on the battlefield. They are just as smart and have the same penetrable organs and muscles as we do.If a man has the right to be a patriot then so does a woman. If a woman loves her country then by all means let her defend along side her fellow country(wo)men. What irks me, what I find to be irksome that is, is there are men who join the military as a way out or just for kicks or whatever the case may be. They are going in halfheartedly and are being shown up by women. The act of war is and has always been a manly undertaking. Men fight the wars to keep the women and children safe. It is not a sexist belief but more of a natural time honored way. Men hunted AND cooked the food (“anywhere in the world you go, the best cooks are men” – Godfather). Men built the shelter. Men protected the family. I’m not against women wielding weapons, “bringing home the bacon”,  building homes, performing  surgery, running cities or states or nations, or anything else. I am against a man who considers himself a professional anything (manly) allowing a woman to come in and be better at something he takes pride in. If she is better, however, congratulate her and move on…WOMAN!

[editor’s note: The above become a Foster’s® induced rant and probably makes little sense. moving along…]

10 recent manly movies (in no certain order) proceeded by the manly quotient (ascending scale from 5 – 10, under 5 clearly isn’t manly and therefore doesn’t belong on this list):

  1. The Dark Knight 9.4
  2. No Country For Old Men 8.0
  3. Pineapple Express 8.25
  4. The Wrestler 8.9
  5. Max Payne 7.2
  6. Gran Torino 11.6
  7. Black Dynamite [editor’s note: haven’t seen it but nonetheless] 9.6
  8. Righteous Kill 7.8
  9. Choke 8.0
  10. Foot Fist Way 8.7

Catch up with me later fuckstains. Here’s a going away present …

Catch you on the flip side….

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Comments
  1. You narcissistic asshole. Love you bye bye

  2. Anthony Yow says:

    I got on C.S.P.A.M. the other day and saw NO NEW POSTS. I was sad so I fucked a ton of bitches.

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