… hasn’t done shit worth smelling since 2002.

He had a few mediocre films in the first 7 years of his career and then he released The Sixth Sense in ’99. He went on to write/produce/direct Unbreakable in 2000 (my favorite of his work), and Signs in 2002, which was his SIXTH and he has made nothing but shit SINCE.

The Sixth Sense was awesome, setting the precedent for biggest WTF twist achievable and ranking in at #30 all time Box Office @ $293,506,292. In the wake of the movie’s success he released another movie, again with Bruce Willis as the lead, Unbreakable. The movie was met with great reviews and a very good but not quite record setting Box Office figure of $94,999,143. The movie continued to rise and developed a cult following over the next year after DVD release and the anticipation of his next work grew with that following.

In 2002 he released Signs, this time (Nick you reading?) sans Willis, casting Mel Gibson as the lead. This movie was good as well, no actually it was a VERY good film. He created a Star in Haley Joel Osment with the role he played in The Sixth Sense. He as well hasn’t really done Shit Since, nothing worth mention since Secondhand Lions with Michael Cain (Alfred from the Chris Nolan Batman movies) and Robert Duvall, who needs no introduction, in 2003. Signs did well at the Box Office earning $227,965,690, but bringing with it “signs” of things to come. Signs was one of the first of his movies to start with the “WTF!?! SRSLY!?!” ending style of his that has spun out of control. Aliens? Ok, cool, I can deal with aliens. They die from water, ok fair enough they can’t come in contact with water cause their aliens and its all up to the imagination from there. I do however wish to know why Intelligent lifeforms from another planet who obviously can’t contact water would come to attack a planet that is 70% fucking water? Whatever, Manny!

We let Signs slide cause it was an overall good movie.  Then he does The Village and that was “WTF are you thinking!?!?” on a Grand Stephen fucking King scale! When it finally came time to end this fuckin turd of a film it was like he just said fuck it! “There is no monster, ha ha, got ya, bitch! Man that was great. Now lets go do some cock off a models tits!” then he took it a step further with Lady In The Water or as i like to call it, “So long as the studios is willing to pay me for anything,  I see no reason to fucking try!” long title, I know, I think that’s why he went with Lady In The Water. which gets us up and current with Manny’s latest shit festival, which I just saw cause I refuse to pay to watch a M. Night Shyamalan film until he starts trying again,  The Happening. He has Mark Wahlberg as the lead, so far so good. Marky Mark is a beast ass actor. You have a movie with gore and cursing and constant death and John God Damn Leguizamo. “What could go wrong?”, you ask.

The fucking plants! Are you serious? Mark Wahlberg was great in that movie. I don’t know how anyone could deliver a decent fucking performance in that  mental fisting disguised as a story! First they let John kill himself in the first 30 minutes. you know what I’m going to go M. Night on that ass and just stop trying…

….and in conclusion I’ve deduced that Kermit the Frog is the head of the Israeli terrorist group that systematically set up M. Night by hiring Smokey the Bear not to prevent forest fires, immediately resulting in a toxin being released from the aging trees who want nothing more than to die. This toxin causes a complete loss of reason but only silly little Indians are effected.

wow its really easy to write something when you don’t give a fuck cause you know rather or not anyone likes it you still get paid the same. Difference is I get paid nothing for this either way and he gets fucking millions! Oh and I can’t leave out this little point the tagline for The Happening: “We’ve Sensed It. We’ve Seen The Signs. Now… It’s Happening” notice how they tried not to bring up Lady In The Water and The Village ? Man I hope Unbreakable 2 never comes to fruition! In the words of the great Don King my conclusion for his continued success……

ONLY IN AMERICA!!!


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Comments
  1. anne says:

    i met don king last weekend, i waited on him.. goofy guy, just as you would think.. but really the happening sucked? i wanted to see that

  2. serdafied says:

    yes it was stupid as fuck!

  3. mcmeador says:

    I have to disagree with your comment on The Village. It was not at all an abandonment of where he was originally going with it and nothing like what Stephen King has a habit of doing. Stephen King will set up all this craziness and have stuff getting crazier and crazier and then it’s like he doesn’t know how to end it. Example: crazy killer clown torturing everyone on a psychological level and making them go freaking nuts…and it’s a big alien spider…what?

    M. Night Shyamalan is very deliberate. All of this is planned out from the beginning and he gives various clues to the truth of what’s going on throughout the movie. It’s not like he made a great story and then couldn’t figure out how to end it. He knew how it was going to end and that’s what everything is built around. I thought the ending to The Village was really good. Why would the lack of a monster be disappointing? Monsters are usually nothing but a cheap thrill.

    I’ve actually liked all of Shyamalan’s movies…even Lady in the Water. It was different definitely, but still decent and well-made. I also liked The Happening because it was a good almost Twilight Zone-style movie. I also appreciate movies that leave things open at the end for viewers to interpret for themselves. Nothing stinks up a good mystery/thriller/horror movie like some big neatly-wrapped-up simplified explanation handed to you on a platter.

    And if you really pay attention to all of Shyamalan’s films, you’ll notice there’s a lot more going on there and a lot of little details to appreciate than what you might realize from just casually watching it. The only mistake that Shyamalan made was having The Sixth Sense as his first film because that set the bar and perhaps no other movie he ever makes can affect people the way it did.

  4. mcmeador says:

    Edit: I meant The Sixth Sense being his first film in that genre or of that style.

  5. serdafied says:

    Firstly, good thing you caught yourself cause i was about to roast yo ass ’bout the first move thing.

    Moving along. This is simple opinion differences. Not going to be any convincing here cause if there are to things its hard to change about a person it’s their religious beliefs, and a grown man’s diaper, but that’s neither here nor there. What I’m saying is MY taste in suspense/drama/mystery movies is i like to be guessing the whole time with the movie constantly making me rethink myself. Something along the lines of “Identity” or a good who-dun-it like “Along Came A Spider” or a good thriller like Se7en. Those movies allowed you to question yourself throughout. Yet still came to a logical closing point. “The Happening” just kept pointing at the damn plants over and over from the 2nd 1/4 of the film. Then at the end they make it seem like it was either a Gov’t mistake OR the plants, OR come to your own conclusion. “The Village” was just a bad premise all together for me. Didn’t agree with me. I’m glad you enjoyed it. That’s one less person who felt robbed after that movie. I don’t want to read or watch a story that simply doesn’t end, or worse does the “hey here comes the sequel” ending that The Happening did. I know that there is not and ever was or shall there ever be a planned sequel for The Happening from M. Night, and from my POV it seemed like an easy way out and some quick cash. I just find his latest work to be trite and lackluster. Maybe you’re onto something with The Sixth Sense being a mistake as a lead off film. Then again maybe he just lost the touch and if so it’s a good thing he got that one out there while someone was watching.

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