Well peoples, I am back after a long hiatus. Today I have a new, multi-faceted and overdue post for you all. Enjoy the American Manliness, my friends.
I’m going to touch base on several of my post categories:
America
Fuck Yeah! Next…
Cars
Well there is the upcoming $400,000 Lexus LFA…that’s right a fucking near half million dollar Lexus! Although it has a 4.8 liter V10 with a 9000 rpm redline and 552hp still seems a little pricey for a whored up Toyota. see MotorTrend for more info and Nurburgring video.
Sticking with Toyota for today, I suggest, you also check out the Toyota F-86 (Celica) concept car…It’ll be the “best car in the world” for drifting according to the press release.
Women
Quick 5 lovely TV ladies, wanna help me put them in order from hottest to least hot?:
Katrina Bowden (30 Rock)
movies now cost 10 bucks a pop! So how more fiutting than to rate the movie on a 10 point system as in i’d pay X bucks out of 10 to see it, knowing what I know now.
I give it a 7/10.
To put this in perspective:
X3 is a 5/10
X2 is a 7/10
X-Men was a 8.5/10
Batman Returns 9/10
Dark Knight 11/10
Batman & Robin 2/10
Waterworld -5/10 (you better give me 5 bucks to sit through that shit! give me 2 bucks and we can just watch the Dennis Hopper scenes)
If you like Comic book movies cause they are COMIC BOOK movies, not cause they are hollywood big budget action movies with comic book characters, I think you’ll like it. I did. A bit cheesy (comic books are cheesy) the CGI could’ve been better but then again they probably spent all their money on Hugh Jackman.
As this outbreak of swine influenza virus appears to be a mutated strain of SIV that has mutated to a strain easily tranferred from human to human. Most strains of SIV aren’t capable of infecting humans, and those that are are not easily, if at all, transferred from human to human.
According to Dr. WHO (World Health Organization):
The Director-General has raised the level of influenza pandemic alert from the current phase 3 to phase 4. The change to a higher phase of pandemic alert indicates that the likelihood of a pandemic has increased, but not that a pandemic is inevitable. As further information becomes available, WHO may decide to either revert to phase 3 or raise the level of alert to another phase.
This decision was based primarily on epidemiological data demonstrating human-to-human transmission and the ability of the virus to cause community-level outbreaks.
Given the widespread presence of the virus, the Director-General considered that containment of the outbreak is not feasible. The current focus should be on mitigation measures.
The Director-General recommended not to close borders and not to restrict international travel. It was considered prudent for people who are ill to delay international travel and for people developing symptoms following international travel to seek medical attention.
Below is an explanation of the Pandemic Phases of the WHO
As you can see we are but a phase from widespread human infection.
According to FoxNews.com in a report today the WHO has now raised the level to Phase 5 : “widespread human infection”, or as I like to refer to it, “the beginning of the end”.
Now, what that means to me is this:
1. We can’t contain this fucking virus. and millions upon millions worldwide will be infected and may will die from this.
C. It has the potential to mass infect people rapidly, and a pandemic is upon us.
There have been confirmed cases (98, not including more than 6,000 in Mexico) now in 6 countries, in 3 continents.
Confirmed cases in New Zealand, Scotland, Israel, Spain, Canada, and the U.S. add to the more than 6,000 suspected cases, 26 confirmed cases, and 20 confirmed deaths as a result found in the epicenter (Mexican officials blame near 160 deaths on the virus), Mexico.
The WHO (“who, who whooooo arrrrree you”) have urged not to stop international travel and for those with symptoms to seek medical assistance after international travel. If I’ve learned anything from Zed movies it’s this: Zombies can’t swim! If we don’t let the soon-to-be-Zeds fly from country to country all willie nillie and whatnot then we can safely contain the rising zombie threat. Now however the virus is spreading and has now safely made it’s way to every major landmass except Australia. Now scientists around the world are working at a fever pitch to get a vaccine ready to stop the spreading pandimic.
I’m bored with this, I have no focus or drive in life I give up!
In unrelated news i got to see jessica beil’s tits, and selma hayek is still hot adn obama is still president!
This is Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog from Joss Whendon, the writer of Firefly/Serenity (also wrote Dollhouse, Angle, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Titan A.E., and Toy Story) teamed up again with Nathan Fillion (of Firefly/Serenity, Castle, Buffy, Saving Private Ryan, Slither, and the Waitress). Starring Neil Patrick Harris (no credits needed) as a aspiring super villain.
I enjoyed it thoroughly. If you are not a fan of dorky, subtle, dry, internet humor, and need to see someone get whacked in the nuts or a little kid cursing (granted both are hilarious) to laugh then don’t bother.
I haven’t poseted a blog since the pre-Super Bowl “We Want Six!” post. Time to rectify that, and by rectify I mean get it up the ass!!!
well as everyone knows by now, we did indeed get six!!!
Just as I stated, history repeats itself baby! GO STEELERS!!!
That was on Feburary 1st. This is March 6th. A lot has happened between then and now:
Tigers have crept up into the Top 3 in the nation.
Got drunk several times WITHOUT peeing onto or off of anything in the house.
Overdrafted 579 bucks in the bank (EPIC FAIL).
Finally got out of my sexual slump after the Super Bowl.
Oh yeah and this happened ….
That, my friends, is a separated shoulder compliments of drunk banana Ronnie. He said he was aiming for the couch but couldn’t see through the banana head draped over his face.
Also I got to fuck a chick with an awesome body whilst wearing said banana suit … sorry anthony how couls any sane man turn down such a request?!?!?!
I’ll try to get back in the habit of rocking the blog soon enjoy a few recents from my youtube channel:
After a night of drinking 99 Bananas, copious amounts of beer during beer pong and other drinking games and funneling several of them this next video was captured:
And this is what I sound like drunk as fuck and trying to be as mean as possible to a drunk white girl …
see ya ’round kids. And remeber … DON’T DO DRUGS!!!!
We want six! This defensive unit is one of the best we have ever had. We are back to true Steel Curtain defense. Can we put that curtain up for one more game?
Here are the review quickies as promised, all except The Curious Case of Benjamin Button which had horrible sound issues and a lot of unbearable watermarks.
Here we go you big bunch of dick loving cum swappers ….
Transporter 3 – Jason Statham and strangely attractive freckled red head Eastern-European broad – Action movie. That really is all this is. No real plot to speak of. I mean there is a story but the plot has more holes need plugging than your drunk mother on St. Patrick’s Day. Girl kidnapped for political reasons Statham forced out of retirement to transport said girl. Statham takes of his shirt beats up baddies. Girl finds this erotic, bangs Statham. Statham drives a car all crazy and shit, here’s the twist ….. you ready …. huh … he can ride BMX like a Dave Mirra. Oh, and also there is a bomb strapped to his wrist and he can’t go far from the car (75 feet.). Lots of beating and punching and Statham and mostly over done (highly sped up frame rates in most action shots) directing. Other than the flow of the directing I’d say its as good as the last 1. I would still take The Transporter as the best of the 3. I know shall begin my search for Crank 2!!!
6.3/10
moving along …
Milk – Sean Penn, James Franco, Josh Brolin, and Emile Hirsh – Firstly All this Best actor in a leading role nonsense, sorry Mr. Penn, You were awesome in this movie, I’ll give you that but I give my vote to my man Mickey for The Wrestler! His performance in this movie was as good and as powerfully, and crisply delivered as any role he’s done. I would put this performance up there with Mystic River, I am Sam, and all the rest. Josh Brolin was amazing. Better even than he was in No Country For Old Men (didn’t see “W” … yet). Emile Hirsh was amazing in Into the Wild and gave an great performance in Lords of Dogtown( so I’ve heard but yet to see) alongside the late Heath Ledger. In this movie he was totally believable as a cock sucking queer, pulled it off beautifully…uh..i uh…mean he was a faggot!!! James Franco, whoa, i think he enjoyed kissing Sean Penn a little too much, that smile looked a little too genuine (closet queen). Great all around performance from the entire cast. Rather gay stuff grosses you our or you’re a homophobe or whatever the case may be you aren’t interested in this movie… SEE IT. Its is a good movie and more than about being gay this movie is about civil rights (also watch Mississippi burning for a great civil rights movie).
8.2/10
NEXT!!! ….
Quarantine – Jennifer Carpenter (Exorcism of Emily Rose) and Jay Hernandez (Torque and shit) – A film crew doing a late night show called “Night Shift” (like a sober version of Insomniac w/ Dave Attell) follows a fire house, hanging out and having a gay old time till they catch a call. Landlord of an apartment building in LA calls in cause he hears screams from an elderly lady’s apartment. followed by silence, and gets no response at the door. LAPD and LAFD arrive with Night Shift in tow. Upon entering the old woman’s apartment she is covered in blood and incoherent, easily startled and aggressive, then she attacks. She latches onto a police officers throat eating his neck apart …. the entire group rally to subdue the old bitch gauze and place pressure on the open neck wound of the downed officer. Upon arriving downstairs they find them selves sealed inside and quarantined by the police, fire dept, CDC, and military. No way out and, shit, when crazy groaning people eat other people shit tends to hit the proverbial fan!….
That’s all i’m saying enjoy the flick give it a go… its pretty good as far as decently budgeted “survival horror”/”zombie” flicks go.
7.2/10
Slumdog Millionaire – Dev Patel and Frieda Pinto (GOD SHE IS SO HOT!!) – Who Wants To Be A Millionaire … in India!!! Contestant Jamal Malik has never know money, never know success, never known education…but he’s known love! Brothers who watch their mother slain in a riot as children grow up homeless and the youngest of the 2 finds love as a boy in his friend and fellow begger child Latika. The plot follows Jamal’s chance on India’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire as an 18 year old assistant at a call center. He gets more and more questions right leading up to the 20,000,000 rupees grand prize the movie opens after getting the 10,000,000 rp. question right. He is arrested for fraud (cheating), tortured, and tells his life’s story and explaining how he knew the answers to all these questions. The film is a gripping tale of survival, honesty, betrayal, and love. The most entertaining of all the movies I’ve reviewed here today. This movie took home the SAG award for best Ensemble Performance. I think it was well earned, as even the children playing he main characters in the flashback scenes were very good. Great direction and story. Character development was grade. Give it a watch people I think you will have a new found respect for the work that comes out of “Bollywood”. The film uses a mix of English (by the grown ups) and Hindi (flashbacks w/ children) even the way the Hindi/English subtitles are presented was well done.
8.9/10
[editor's note - great soundtrack]
and for a freebie an old movie (2005) …
Me, You, and Everyone We Know – John Hawkes and Miranda July – CREEPY … FUNNY …ENTERTAINING …GOOD! This is one of those movies where you watch it..you keep watching it…you keep waiting for the “awkward silence” feeling you have to go away , but it doesn’t. It’s much like the movie Happiness (watch this clip) in that regard. Not much more to say but I liked it and was thoroughly amused, intrigued, and creeped out by the whole damn thing. Here is the clip that made a friend want to watch it which he in turn passed along to me which in turn made me want to watch it too …. ))<>((
6.8/10 plus ))<>(( equals 7.0/10
I will try to find a better screener for Ben Button and will write a good full review on The Wrestler when I get a chance.
Defiance – Daniel Craig and Liev Schrieber – A movie bout the LOLocaust. The movie is based on the true story of a group of Jews who hid out in the woods for several years during the Nazi occupancy of their country. Three brothers lead the group as it increases in size they build a community andchoose to live in the wilderness risking death by nature rather than give in to their oppressors. Drama riddled with packets of action and some top notch acting by Liev!
7.5/10
Doubt – Meryl Streep and Phillip Seymour Hoffman – Based in the Catholic Church of 1964, the story follows 2 Nuns, a Priest, and an alter boy. 1 nun believes the Priest the other doesn’t. Carefully crafted moral suspense that will have you asking “What happened in the rectory?”.
8.3/10
Choke – Sam Rockwell and Anjelica Huston – Based in the Novel Choke by Chuck Palahniuk, the story follows a sex crazed man desperately trying to find out who is father is before is demented mother dies. Very funny, smart, and sexually charged.
7.5/10
Taken – Liam Neeson – Nuff said!
Neeson plays an ex-CIA agent who’s daughter is kidnapped while on vacation in france (yet another reason not to go there). He relies on his “particular set of skills” to help track down her abductors and exact revenge! Action laden spy movie suspense pulled or perfectly by the GREAT Liam Needson!!!
8.0/10
The Wrestler – Mickey Rourke and Marissa Tomei – Mickey Rourke plays a down and out ex pro wrestling superstar. Trying to get his life in gear with his estranged daughter and win the heart of a beautiful stripper, the fights a constant internal battle against his self destructive ways throughout the film. Great story, well shot, tailor made for Mickey. He gets my vote for Best Actor Oscar although Sean Penn won tonight in the SAG awards. Manly drama at its finest.
8.5/10
Body Of Lies – Leonardo DiCaprio and Russel Crowe – A thrilling espionage flick attacking terrorism and the methods used to fight it. DiCaprio does a pretty good job in a semi action role and Crowe, as usual, slides right into character. A suspenseful and dramatic story glide you easily from one action sequence to another and although i don’t speak the language DiCaprio’s Arabic sounds surprisingly convincing. Biggest gripe with this movie is DiCaprio’s silly facial hair! I mean seriously look at it!
7.8/10
COMING SOON reviews on the following movies which I have obtained screeners for and will begin watching this week:
A) Which one of you mother fuckers stole my sammich?
1) WHERE ALL THE BITCHES AT?
Now roll call:
Men?
present!
Dames?
*crickets chirping*
Good, moving on then.
It has been quite some time since I posted a C.S.P.A.M. blog. I am here to rectify the shit out of that. Now to recap men should be seen frequently doing the following:
Spitting – rather you chew tobacco, bubble gum or just salivate a lot, spitting is manly. Unless you’re indoors then it’s just rude.
“Adjusting themselves” – Women would like you to think they are disgusted when a man “adjusts himself”, this simply isn’t the case. They would lead you to believe it is tasteless and impolite. Truth be told, according to this recent poll (located at bottom of post), Most women can’t help but to look at your crotch when you do it. Some just trying to see who’s packing what (natural mating instincts) and most just simply get turned on by the manliness of it.
Cursing at children – Face it, only women like children. Men only tolerate their own children but tend to despise other peoples fuck-results. If you see a kid acting like a fucktard in the grocery store but his parents aren’t doing anything about it. Tell the little bastard to straighten the fuck up or his mother will soon be a widow and/or a single mother to prevent the conception of anymore children like himself.
Drinking alcohol and laughing with friends – This, my fellow men, is essential to show we have a lighthearted side to us. Make sure to be drinking beer or whisky though not wine or champagne. You don’t want to give off a Metro vibe.
Overheard talking about cars/guns/sex – These are topics most often reserved for men. Women can know and love all of them but don’t really talk about them much as a whole. Some men think this is a reason not to talk about them openly. To hell with that theory. Women don’t do it cause they think it makes them sound too butch a.k.a. like a MAN!!! Give off that MANLY vibe. When a chick walks by start gabbing about changing your buddies head gasket the other day, doesn’t even matter if you know what a head gasket is. She probably doesn’t know what it is either.
Men, we are losing our place at the table. Women are trying harder than we are and making good progress in areas once dominated by men. Am I saying they do not belong in certain fields? No, of course not. I think women should be given the chance to do anything a man can do. What I do disagree with is men letting them be better at manly things than we are. Female soldiers, for instance, I agree 110% with women on the battlefield. They are just as smart and have the same penetrable organs and muscles as we do.If a man has the right to be a patriot then so does a woman. If a woman loves her country then by all means let her defend along side her fellow country(wo)men. What irks me, what I find to be irksome that is, is there are men who join the military as a way out or just for kicks or whatever the case may be. They are going in halfheartedly and are being shown up by women. The act of war is and has always been a manly undertaking. Men fight the wars to keep the women and children safe. It is not a sexist belief but more of a natural time honored way. Men hunted AND cooked the food (“anywhere in the world you go, the best cooks are men” – Godfather). Men built the shelter. Men protected the family. I’m not against women wielding weapons, “bringing home the bacon”, building homes, performing surgery, running cities or states or nations, or anything else. I am against a man who considers himself a professional anything (manly) allowing a woman to come in and be better at something he takes pride in. If she is better, however, congratulate her and move on…WOMAN!
[editor's note: The above become a Foster's® induced rant and probably makes little sense. moving along...]
10 recent manly movies (in no certain order) proceeded by the manly quotient (ascending scale from 5 – 10, under 5 clearly isn’t manly and therefore doesn’t belong on this list):
The Dark Knight 9.4
No Country For Old Men 8.0
Pineapple Express 8.25
The Wrestler 8.9
Max Payne 7.2
Gran Torino 11.6
Black Dynamite [editor's note: haven't seen it but nonetheless] 9.6
Righteous Kill 7.8
Choke 8.0
Foot Fist Way 8.7
Catch up with me later fuckstains. Here’s a going away present …
